THE ULTIMATE REALIZATION

1. Tantra isn't "the path towards ecstasy". It isn't like many trendy brochures, courses and trainings would like you to believe. Rather than having your energy raised, it is the complete opposite of it. A long time ago the following happened. Totally unexpected and unforeseen. In some way or other I was very open, relaxed and clear. She who was with me seemed to be in a similar state. A joint experiencing of inner quietude, a great deal of attention for one another and a great intensity. And as the excitement increased, the state of relaxation only deepened and like a river the emotion ran into an ocean of peace, expanding it continuously. The more excited I was the more transparent consciousness became. The flow of energy causing an ever deepening inner peace! Rather than "climbing the mountain", I more and more became a valley. Expansion had replaced the common contraction mechanism. In each other and with the slightest of movements my consciousness was widening until it suddenly turned into a state of ecstatic silence, a valley of Eternal Calm, an orgasm - implosion - such as I had never experienced before. It was a state of being omnipresent, a Void, one into which I had completely blended and dissolved. A limitless and timeless state of Empty Peaceful Stability - Tantra - which went on for many hours. No thoughts, no emotions, no me, no desires and no bliss. I had opened up to a paradise, which had been there all along. I was beside myself with joy. Existence had lifted a tip of her veil and made me a part of her deepest mystery.

Absolute Nothingness
India, October 7th, 1977

2. It happened in that garden. I found myself in an extraordinary condition, which had been going on already for some days. It was a state of being lifted out above ordinary things. People and events did not have the usual appeal anymore. The pattern of acting and reacting had become irrelevant. Something special was happening to me. I was totally overflowing with it. Thoughts had lost their grip on me.

3. My body and its environment were very much alive and I was experiencing an extraordinary contact with them. Paralleling a spontaneous growth of increased inner clarity, my body gradually became lighter and more transparent. It first started in the feet. There the energy was cleared away like a blanket of fog, leaving behind a bright transparency. While the pureness rose up, any heaviness simultaneously disappeared out of my body till finally my head was filled with a crystal clear clarity. (Note: all this did not happen in my imagination. This is more real than reality.) A circle of energy remained on the crown of my skull.

4. This circle appeared to be the centre of my actual alertness. I, as well as my surroundings was perceived from here. However, very little was left of myself. Neither the body nor thoughts were able to influence my inner awareness. It was the very quality of Self, enjoying Itself blissfully. I realized that I had found myself in the margin of my actual existence; just one fraction away from the Great Unknown. Intuitively I realized the invitation to the great leap and the consequential necessity of utter surrender.

5. Suddenly I was struck by a terrible Lightening and in less than a fraction of a second my existence was wiped out. It was a moment of Absolute Darkness. As my memory has failed to reproduce it, the duration of this terrible moment was unknown to me. But I know it was the presence of Absolute Nothingness*.

* This Lightning e.g. Absolute Nothingness is the complete destruction of consciousness by the Vacuum or Great Mother. See www.originaltrad.faithweb.com chapter "Realization" e.g. Commentary

The Great Light

6. That which immediately followed transcends all attempts of description. A very alive, brightly transparent clarity appeared to be the Only Reality. I was totally absorbed by and dissolved into this Utmost Purity. The whole world radiated and was exalted and totally transformed. Everything was pervaded by Divine Bliss and incorporated into a fresh, pure and ecstatic Light. It was unwavering and expressed life in its sublimest quality. Everything was dancing. I was able to look into Eternity, nay was Eternity Itself; timeless and without boundaries. All was joy, benediction, a celebration of unity, the Inexpressible and the dance. As I was possessed by a divine intoxication, I laughed continuously for no reason.

7. The Oneness with THAT WHICH I AM and everything "around me" lasted all day. Everything had lost its separate identity, just like me being non-existent, instead possessing eternal quality: the grass, the flowers and the birds. Nothing existed on its own. Nothing fell apart. Without any exception, everything was part of the Whole, everything interconnected, the fabric of life. Absorbed by the same Suchness, everything radiated THAT! Everything being the content of the Eternal, there was not any difference between me, the grass, the flowers and the birds.Their Essence and mine were absolutely identical. I realized I was no better or even different from them. Since then I have known Reality to be the Essence of the interdependence of all things in which everything is equally unique.

8. In the Purity of the Beyond everything had disappeared. No memory, since the ego dissolved, just knowing, IT knowing ITself. There is no „outside" anymore, everything has become absorbed - without leaving a trace - by the Ultimate. Everything appears to be IN YOU, the entire universe is the content of („your") Infinite Space. Therefore the paradox is, that by being Nothing, you are everything. Hence, the Ultimate Nondual State is that of inclusiveness. The last delusion is, that the world is somewhere out there (...). Dividing the One into „here" and the world „there" is yet another (subtle) form of dualism. The logic is this: the more "your" Consciousness is open, the more there is in. Hence, I am - and everybody Is - the One Mind, the all-Embracing One containing everything. In the Ultimate State „Emptiness is form", without any dualism left, beyond any attainment, free even from freedom, a State which is natural, transparent, spontaneous, nothing special. Because everything being part of Me, I love everything like myself.

That same night
The Great Death

9. This had nothing to do with usual anguish. However frightening, common agony is being afraid and tight. Suddenly I awoke in the middle of the night and was thrown in a totally different state. Suddenly I was aware of being in the midst of the greatest fear. I was absorbed by an ocean of frightening agony. Anguish poured in and spread through and around me. The sea had no limits. It was very immediate, direct and timeless. It was the Ultimate Terror.

10. In less than a moment I felt my body decomposing. It went incredibly fast. A terrible smell of decay penetrated me. Immediately after worms consumed my body, and there were waves of deepest ice-cold electricity. The vital energy, which surrounded me just a moment before then, dissolved into the terrifying Darkness. All that was me had gone. I had nothing left to cling to.

11. I was totally overpowered by this dark, horrifying terror. Everything: my thoughts, emotions and energy, together with my sense of identity had disappeared into the dark Suchness. The only thing left was my clarity mirroring the darkness, my awareness in the middle of the ocean of terror. In the midst of this very real and hyperactive black ocean, my awareness was on the verge of dissolving though. Keeping my alertness was a terrible struggle, as terror and desperation continuously overwhelmed me. It was a matter of life and death.

12. This acute awareness lasted for many hours, as I could not afford one moment of weakness. Although my body was gone, I could only survive through sitting in a vertical zazen position... I had to sit accurate within a millimeter. The slightest deviation immediately brought me in acute danger of dissolving. Slowly, as the intensity of the terror increased, so my alertness strengthened. Spurred on by the agony of the terror, my awareness was forced to become as intense, timeless and limitless as the black Suchness around me. Consequently my awareness grew gradually and eventually became an ocean as well. From that moment on, the terror slowly weakened and finally disappeared.

13. Dawn arrived as I looked out of the window. For the first time I realized how long the ordeal had lasted. I also realized that this was the ultimate dying process. I had suffered The Great Death. It is the underworld in which the hero descends in order to become reborn. Yes, it was really true, that I am a "delog" according to the Tibetan tradition. The true meaning of the „resurrection" has been revealed to me. What had taken place was indeed the Reality beyond the myths of many old religions. I was exhausted, but very calm and clear. I felt great benediction and I went out full of gratefulness and enjoyed the early brightness of that wonderful morning. What I could not know at that moment though was the future fragility of my body. I: my mind, soul and body died the Great Death. As a Reborn I returned to the world

Great Mother Cosmogony. Everything: Buddhahood (white/yellow), Hell (grey) and earth (green) is born out of Her (black), while returning in the selfsame Eternal Moment.

Amsterdam
August 1980

14. That morning everything flowed. I felt so strong, bright and clear. I did everything spontaneously without thinking. I continuously gave in to something, without knowing what it was. Feeling very free, I left the house without any goal or plan. I felt absorbed by joy. Like a child I skipped through the streets. I enjoyed a blissful overflowing feeling of being at home in the world. I sat down on a terrace.

15. As I was reading: "the sound of a stone against a bamboo", suddenly Something penetrated my surroundings and me. I was immediately absorbed by It. My awareness had become one with the Ocean of Being. It was limitless and undisturbable. Perception was unable to penetrate or create any ripples in It. An entire Other Reality had replaced everything else. This was something "in between", an inner connectedness of things. Everything, objects and events, remained as it was before but without any meaning of itself. They were stripped of any "apartheid".

You are always in the middle of IT

16. It was everywhere, eternally peaceful, tranquil, crystal clear and fresh. Thoughts were rare and had become insignificant. They had no power anymore and were unable to stir other thoughts. They were like empty particles emerging and then disappearing. There were neither emotions or concerns. It was replaced by blissful ecstasy where body and mind ceased any activity of their own. I was absorbed in total Other-Worldliness. There was just That, the Suchness which had replaced everything else. The entire visible world was both in It and outside It. But the "outside" had become meaningless. I could see a clock, but time did not make sense. My brain had stopped functioning and my state was timeless and limitless.

17. There was no urge to do anything. I just laughed like a madman because I was so full of joy. There was realization of "this is It"; "this is so simple"; "how blissful This is" and "what a fool I am". Everything fell away. Nothing was separate. However, things and events remained unchanged and went on as usual. The waiter still served on the terrace and the traffic still went by.

18. For one and a half-hours nothing provoked any reaction in me whatsoever. It did not respond. It remained undisturbable in Itself. Then, on its own accord It subsided. Slowly leaving behind great wonder in me. Everything was new, refreshed and every footstep was my first. I as well as my entire surroundings was equally dear and precious. We were part of the same Whole. It was the third Great Experience in my life.

The Cycle Completed
15th of May 1983, about 3.30 pm

19. It was so subtle, so delicate and hardly noticeable that I do not remember the exact moment. I was suddenly absorbed by an omnipresent tranquil Clarity. Immediately this tranquillity took away every urge to do anything whatsoever. A completely otherworldly Presence appeared to be there: a silent Equanimity. I remained lying on the same spot and I felt deeply tired. It was special because I felt heavy and light at the same time. While falling asleep, I remained aware with sleep and alertness fusing together. My body was heavy and my mind transparent and without thoughts.

20. After one hour I finished sleeping and the brightness of my awareness had grown remarkably. My body was not an entity of its own anymore. It was light and felt very easy. There was no resistance, no obstacles, no special sensations and no weight. It had simply dropped off and was absorbed by the lightness of Limitless Being: in Oneness. In this One Space neither inner nor outer existed.

21. The acts "I did" were entirely spontaneous, straightforward and direct. Walking, sitting, making tea and rearranging the room was totally effortless and unbelievably light. There was no me in the doing.

22. Discrimination of the brain had fallen off. The world had ceased to be an accumulation of things-on-their-own. Now it existed and appeared as a unity: a limitless space; a continuum of interdependent events. Since all obstructions of the mind, such as discrimination, commentaries, meaning, associations, concepts, interpretations, conclusions and judgements had passed away, the world appeared as it is: direct and simple. Everything "around me" was part of the Original Freshness. It is a state of awareness where breathing almost disappears completely. This state is the highest possible Simplicity.

23. This is the Original Homeland. It is all embracing. Everything is as it is; perceptions are no longer able to leave any impression on the mind. There is not anything to impress on. Consciousness is not only empty; it has no substance of its own. No sense of identity either. It is a non-existence and is utterly unmoved by what "it sees". Emptiness is the seeing.

24. The usual stress in one's head is totally absent. There is just an omnipresent lively silent Transparency. Although events continue to happen as usual, their energy, their charge, their life and their attraction has disappeared. They are like shadows. Existence is just One Eternal Moment. Thinking of the next moments is impossible, it does not occur to you. You have been switched on into timelessness. You cannot "look outside". You are a prisoner of The Eternal.

25. How sweet is this. How pure and fresh! Yes, you are a prisoner, yet your freedom is absolute. You are not concerned at all with the world "around you"; there is no urge whatsoever to interfere. There are no worries and no emotions. It is a move into a very subtle equanimity where you are in the world but not of it. No special events occur. There is neither excitement nor bliss, joy nor ecstasy. No special "spiritual experience". As awareness is insensible to whatever there is, it totally transcends here and there. It is inclusive.

26. The mind has disappeared. You are no more there. There are no thoughts, no energy, no identity, no self-awareness and no awareness. There is just this All Pervading Void. A Valley of Divine Calm. In this Eternal Moment, I am all that was, is and will be. I am the All Embracing One; I embody all Buddha’s of all times simultaneously.

27. This was the most "common" of my first four Great Experiences. It showed me the Bottomless Ground of existence in its simple perfection, directness and transparency; nothing special, nothing holy. With it the Cycle of Enlightenment has been completed. The highest Self-Realization thus brought me back to everyday life. There is no substance, no "Enlightenment in between" anymore. A life in which I am equal to the grass, the trees, the lily and the pond.

The essence of Enlightenment: a rebirth into the world

* These basic steps towards unity are described in this book. See: Teaching.

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